hi

hi...things here are rainy and cold....sorta how I feel inside today. Things are good. Just good. i'm not pms'in and i am not grumpy....just quiet and reflective.
i am not sure how do go about having relationships with people that I love. i am growing and learning but...........................
chris and i have been bickering back and forth. i don't know what our deal is but i am really sick of this. Don't think that i am using this to manipulate the situation...Believe you me, he knows how i feel.
i don't like for people to see "weakness" in my life, and i hate to say how i feel because someone will look at it and say....i am being a drama queen...but i feel really weak and......i don't know just...i miss my family and miss my mom and just want to hear her say how proud of me that she is....i don't have much of a relationship with my dad...and those people that i used to depend on to fill my tank are unavailable...This is where i say that i am growing......i am learning to let the Lord fill that tank...but who says it's wrong to want and need a "Jesus with skin on"......however, i have this person in my life who has really blessed me. i wish i were able to heal her hurts...i feel sorta like i think she feels...i go around loving these kids who are at times very unloveable...(i'll tell you the puke story later), these kids who cannot learn until you explain it for the 12th time (if you are in my room i am sure that you are laughing)....but this person continues this at home, she just keeps giving...she wrote me and said thanks for bringing laughter back into her life....i just wish she knew how blessed i feel to know her and how much i needed to hear the things that she said to me. She is an awesome mom and gives it all to her kids...i suppose in that moment i felt like one of her kids.....she was one of those people who was filling my tank and did not even know it. Thanks....i need you friend and feel blessed to have had you dropped into my life.....you are a blessing and a gift....you are treasured and valued...i see Jesus in you. Take time to take care of you though...you need it.....just wait for your batteries and all will be good....
Anyhow.....as the holidays roll around I sit and enjoy the memories of past times together with my mom and my sister and my dad.........looking forward to making new ones but hard to stuff the old ones away....if i keep them too close to the surface i risk the comparison game coming into play....anyhow...........