Happy Thanksgiving!

Hello all....
Life here is always interesting.....Today, we sat around and watched the tube for a while, then got showers...Macee's pal "Gerce" is here to hang out for awhile..they are having so much fun.......Just wanted to say hello....I love Christmas, not because of the gifts or that kind of stuff...but I like making our home special for the holidays...I have very fond memories of Christmas's as a child....I hope to make those same memories with Macee and Chris....We serve an awesome God. We have decided to be mean...we told Macee who Santa is...but that is as far as Chris wants to go...he's just a guy dressed up to help celebrate Jesus' birthday........she does however get really excited when she see's Santa....I dunno......she is so cute and keeps asking when her "Happy Birthday" will come...it's so cute....anyhow..it was great seeing my family and Chris's family too. There are too many things to mention that I am thankful for....I suppose the top of the list is my walk with the Lord, how he has been forever sufficient for me, and my dearest little family...I love my baby girl and adore my hubby......(most of the time anyway..:) I better go I hear the girls fighting..Adios

Sorry

Just wanted to say sorry for what I said in my last post. I suppose I was writing as if no one else were reading...I hate being around people that have sucky attitudes. I really try not to let people see that side of me for that very reason. You go out and are at work, or church or even at home and the very reason that people drive you nuts is the very thing that I wrote about myself....anyhow, I am sorry for my temporary laps of strength. I hate looking weak, and I hate looking too strong... I want to be real but I don't want to be whinny...there is a big difference. Anyhow...I need the Lord so much and want to be real to him more than anyone. I also am sorry for what I said about my dad. Although we don't get to see each other much, and unless I call for the most part we don't talk. However, I know he loves us very much and all that, I just miss him that's all. I wasn't trying to be degrading.
Chris and I had some talks today....I dunno...not like I things are bad between us...just in a valley.....I need you to need me Chris....
So, well, I am truly sorry if it came across as if I have a bad attitude...that was not my intentions. My feeling were just on my sleeve.....thanks I love you.

hi

hi...things here are rainy and cold....sorta how I feel inside today. Things are good. Just good. i'm not pms'in and i am not grumpy....just quiet and reflective.
i am not sure how do go about having relationships with people that I love. i am growing and learning but...........................
chris and i have been bickering back and forth. i don't know what our deal is but i am really sick of this. Don't think that i am using this to manipulate the situation...Believe you me, he knows how i feel.
i don't like for people to see "weakness" in my life, and i hate to say how i feel because someone will look at it and say....i am being a drama queen...but i feel really weak and......i don't know just...i miss my family and miss my mom and just want to hear her say how proud of me that she is....i don't have much of a relationship with my dad...and those people that i used to depend on to fill my tank are unavailable...This is where i say that i am growing......i am learning to let the Lord fill that tank...but who says it's wrong to want and need a "Jesus with skin on"......however, i have this person in my life who has really blessed me. i wish i were able to heal her hurts...i feel sorta like i think she feels...i go around loving these kids who are at times very unloveable...(i'll tell you the puke story later), these kids who cannot learn until you explain it for the 12th time (if you are in my room i am sure that you are laughing)....but this person continues this at home, she just keeps giving...she wrote me and said thanks for bringing laughter back into her life....i just wish she knew how blessed i feel to know her and how much i needed to hear the things that she said to me. She is an awesome mom and gives it all to her kids...i suppose in that moment i felt like one of her kids.....she was one of those people who was filling my tank and did not even know it. Thanks....i need you friend and feel blessed to have had you dropped into my life.....you are a blessing and a gift....you are treasured and valued...i see Jesus in you. Take time to take care of you though...you need it.....just wait for your batteries and all will be good....
Anyhow.....as the holidays roll around I sit and enjoy the memories of past times together with my mom and my sister and my dad.........looking forward to making new ones but hard to stuff the old ones away....if i keep them too close to the surface i risk the comparison game coming into play....anyhow...........

"The Weekender"

So here is my "Weekender" journal.
Today is Mon. and we had school all day and then parent teacher conferences until 7:30....long day...but
Had a great Thursday and Friday night. Got to spend it with my two favorite people....my hot hubby and the cutest blonde girl in the whole world....
Went to my dad's on Sat. and spent the night. Hard but good stuff happening there....not sure how to talk to him about all the stuff my sister and I am feeling...but I suppose I am learning how to grow and all that good stuff........it really sucks sometimes....I mean this changing and growing stuff...I just want "normality" again...I don't know what "normal" is anymore. However, my dads sermon on Sunday was AWESOME....the short of it was that "God is for me"etc....I needed to hear everything that he said...then to top it all off, on the way out of lunch my step mom said to me..."You should try and encourage your dad about his sermon"....I said to her, very nicely..."You don't have to tell me how to encourage my dad"....she says "Perhaps you had forgotten to tell him that he did a good job"....I wanted to cry....I actually did....I told her, "well, I was waiting for the right time"....I know that everyone knows that I am so loud etc, however, I find the times that I encourage people is not a time that I blow hot air and blab in front of everyone. Being encouraged is sometimes a very intimate time. It is life building. I needed some me and daddy time to tell him how very proud of him I am. I needed to tell him that the things that he said are things that I needed to hear....I felt bad that my stepmom had different ideas...o'well. I did get a chance to tell him. But so that everyone does know, he is an awesome vessel...and those people at his church are very blessed to have him as their shepherd.....I was deeply blessed by his message. I told Chris, I mean I know that there are so much worse things in life.....people go through death and life everyday, but....gosh! I just hate this learning how to mesh..when it is nothing like what you have been taught your whole life. Lord teach me how...i want it bad....
Part of the reason we went to my dad's was to help get them ready to move. They are building a new house...We were going through some more of my mom's stuff....it was hard but good. I now have both of the tables that were in my house since I can remember, I have the dining room table, and then my dad gave me the table that we had in the kitchen...it an antique..which makes it even better.....it is hard to walk in the kitchen...I see us...the unit....praying, laughing, fighting all those things and so much more....so anyhow, ofcourse you know me...as I got done cleaning the kitchen last night I turned the lights out and there in the dim lights was my table, our table.....I cried and said mom, "I promise to make those same memories with Macee, and anyone else in our community...I will take good care of it"....then I laughed and said...for Pete sakes Sara, it's just a table...but in my heart I said... but...it's a table from "Donna's house"....
As I was cleaning...Chris and I were working on the dishes...i noticed that it was really quiet......I figured I would find a mess made by a little blonde girly....what I found was my baby girl, kneeling at the edge of her baby...tucking her baby into bed and praying with her. She had her hands folded and said "Tank you Jedus for our day,"..."okay baby, what else do you want to tank Jedus for.."..."good job baby".....and so on... so my list of things that day were not a list of great things for a great price...it all seemed at that point to all be "priceless"....wow I am blessed.

FYI...FYI...

I DO NOT FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT MY HUSBAND DOES ABOUT GWB AND THE WAR.....I AM PROUD TO SAY THAT I VOTED FOR BUSH....OBVIOUSLY WE ALL HAVE DIFFERENT OPINIONS ABOUT THIS. HOWEVER, I DON'T THINK THAT MY HUSBAND IS A LOVE, WAR AND PEACE HIPPY. That's pretty judgemental....YES, HIS IDEAS ARE RADICAL, SOME OF HIS IDEAS I AGREE WITH SOME...I DON'T, BUT...I AM REALLY FRUSTRATED. HARD QUESTIONS...THAT'S FINE, BUT JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE INCLUDING MYSELF MIGHT FEEL A CERTAIN WAY (THAT IS BIBLICAL)....WELL ANYWAY..LETS JUST MOVE ON.... LIKE I JUST SAID, WE ALL FEEL REALLY DIFFERENT ABOUT IT. LETS ALL, including me, JUST GET OFF IT AND PRAY THAT THE LORD HEAL OUR NATION...... Heal our nation O'Lord. Let me be a radical for you. Help me to understand......

Things here are good. After 4 long weeks of Chris or I having something every night of the week, we now are home and enjoying the slow life. Ahhhh... Life has just been busy with practice's, library, gathering, visits and workouts...not to mention everyday life stuff like grocery, a almost 3 year old and a full time job. I am just thankful that this week has finally arrived...
Chris and the band played at the Fall Festival. Chris keeps getting more and more talented on the "caatar"(as Macee calls it)...he does so well and the rest of the band is great too. I don't think that I am partial...they are just really that good. However, the trip to the fall festival was hell. Chris had given me directions to get there...it was only about 3 miles from our house....after driving to Fremont and not finding the road he said would be "right off 6 Sara"...whatever...add in the fact that Steph was following me, I was screaming over the phone at Chis who was on stage trying to give me directions, I then get pulled over by a sheriff who laughs at me...jerk...who could not give me directions that made any sense....so I know you are wondering how I made it...well, Tom L. found one of my pals that was already there and said to her "I really think that you need to call Sara...she is a little pissed and needs to get here.." So Jersey girl called and saved the day...not only did she get me there, but she also got a little more. By that point I was in tears, and said a few things that probably shouldn't have said....all because "I am sorry Sara, I didn't realize that there was a road in between where I had told you." So I got there and had fun.....after a few dirty looks to the lead singer I felt better...
Monday nights are going great and are awesome, we had so many that we all almost did not fit...what do you do when you get too big?
Macee is a sweet as ever...I love her. I am growing as a mommy, learning new things everyday. She is so good a reading emotions...She can be so strong willed and yet so beautiful at the same time. I suppose that is why they call us mothers....she is my best pal, and we have fun. One of my favorite things to do is color with her.....potty training is great, how do you get the night time potty training done?
My dad and I had a brief conversation the other day. He does not read my blog, but had called while I was at school the other day and just wanted to talk. Our conversation, while brief, was very healing and was just what I needed to hear. He had no idea of the things that I had written in my previous blog...it was definitely a God thing.
Chris and I also had some conversations about our hearts desires to serve the Lord etc... and how sometimes I felt like we are leaving our families (both sides) out of this whole "love" thing....I hate it. I am so relational and he is learning which makes it a little difficult sometimes. However, things need to change. We all say the road goes two ways and that is so true. I am learning and growing.
I also had another wonderful surprise on Friday. I was finishing up my day at school when I looked up and in the door way was the most wonderful sight. My sister, and the kids. She has drove up from Dayton, and surprised me. She ended up staying the night. The kids had a blast and I felt so blessed....we had some good laughs and some interesting happenings at the Bg mall....I tell you some other time....
So anyhow...I am thankful for each new day and each new blessing....