Stuff

I have kept meaning to blog...and never got the chance to do it. So here I am...Sitting in my really comfy recliner in the cool air...wow it has been hot...but I have enjoyed the sun. This week has been good. We went to a free Chris Tomlin concert on Friday. It was awesome, hot, but awesome. I was sitting by my sister. We don't often get to do stuff like that together. Especially without the kids...it was a great time with all who where there. Macee got to hang out with her geema..that is what she calls Chris's mom. I was so happy about it. I hate the fact that our parents live so far away and that they don't have a lot of time to spend with the kids. So it was great that she got to have some grandparent time. I was and still am very close to my grandparents....So the fact that she got to spend time with her grandparents was a big deal to me.
I have been really feeling like I am in a real desert place right now with my relationship with the Lord. I feel like he is not here. I know he is, and I know that for a fact, but this is one of those times it feels like he is not. I called my dad to talk. I just want to know some ways to better my relationship with Christ. One thing that I have really struggled with is that I don't really know who to talk to about feeling this way. I wish I could talk to someone, and no I am not writing this in hopes that someone will offer to listen..but writing it does make me feel better, it is just too bad that other people will be reading this....but I have some struggles..at times I hate to admit that because it makes me feel weak. I hate to be around whinny people that are like whoa is me.....Etc. So here I am feeling like...whoa is me....I am not sure even how to put it into words...anyhow, pray if anything for me that the Lord once again becomes real to me again in a big way. As my mom would say, this is one of those times that you really wish you could have a jesus with skin on in your life....
So I had a doctors app. today. I, four months ago had test done on my liver etc...it is check up work I have to have every 2 years now since I had the HELLPS syndrome with Macee...well they went ahead and checked my cholesterol, and liver count, my white blood count, and my sugar count. Not because of any concern just to make sure that things are in order etc. So I went back today to find out that I have what my doctor says is a insulin disorder. It is not a precursor to diabetes, just a disorder of sorts, I am producing too much insulin, but not too much enough to be called type 2 diabetes. It was also showing that the too much insulin was causes my liver not to process what it should in the amount of time it should etc. I was teasing saying that I get hypoglycemic when I don't eat on time etc. The doc said that is what is really happening....I would get really light headed and feel really sick...but so here I am on a new med. that is suppose to help level all of that out. It is so wacked out she said that it could be the very reason I have a lot of hormonal problems etc. She (the doc) thinks that this med will help with all of the other issues etc. So I just blabbed a bunch of stuff...I needed to write all of that, it is my journal, a place to write it all out. No I did not write it so that I could make a big deal out of it..but so that I could ask everyone to pray just for the Lord to be real to me right now, and that I can find healthy balance with all things in my life right now...
One thing that I really have enjoyed is when my pals have been ending their blogs with things to be blessed about. I will steal the idea...I love reading it in a closing, it leaves a positive feeling in your heart...sounds so nice huh...so I will try to do the same...
Things to be blessed about today...
...a long walk with my hubby and cutie little girl
...a productive day
...lightening bugs
...grape popsicles on the swing in the dark with my little family.
...rain
...Cole and Leo...
...My sister.
Better go...Later.

Michael

Last night I get to meet this person named Michael...I fell in love instantly. He is dark, very handsome and had a great fro going...beautiful eyes...okay. So he is an 8 month old....sooo sweet. I actually felt like I could just keep him...did I say he was a sweetie?
He came with some friends of ours to Gathering last night. Anyhow, he made my day. He was so lovey dovey...
I don't often wish I was able to have more kids. I always feel very content that the Lord blessed us with Macee, but last night, I really wanted to adopt a cute little baby boy with a fro...anyhow. Great things come in small packages, and last night his little smile could have saved the world.
Well, it saved my world anyway.

A chapters ending...I suppose that means a new one begins...

Went to Sidney this weekend. Well not really for the weekend. But we went on Sunday to spend some time with our families. It was great to spend time with our fathers . Chris and I have both been prevailed to have had great relationships with our fathers. They are both named "Mike"...We call Dad Dilbone, "Biff"...that was started than none other than
e. william...but Biff it is... so we spent some time with good ol Biff, and the rest of the crew..it was great. Then we headed to what I call "home". My grandparents house. It's home to me. They have been there for 32 years or so. I don't know anything else. Of all the changes etc. in our life has been crazy, but their love and friendship has only grown. They are home...it was also great spending time with my Dad. He is amazing...he is great. I love him. He is hurting now. Pray for him. It was awesome seeing our families. We are blessed.

On to the new chapter:
My dad and step mom built a new house. It is a cute house....in St.Paris Ohio. That is where my dad's new church is.
My dad's past church was in a little town called "Ridgeway", this too in Ohio. That is where I last called "home". My mom had only lived there about 9 months or so before she died. But this old farm house was sort of a dream home to her. Lots of land, wood floors, (put in by my dad and Chris), big master bedroom, bay windows...my mom never had new things. She also just made what she had "look good"...this house to her was a big deal. Well of course with all things, this too shall pass. Yes, my dad and step mom found a buyer for the house. It is sold.
So we went to work on my aunt and uncle's house. Soon to find out that my dad needed help. I felt bad for him. He has all this work to do...and no help...so we headed to Ridgeway to help him get the last bit of stuff out of the house.
I walked in to an empty house. In my mind I saw my mom standing there against the kitchen counter....smiling, waiting for me to dump my stuff down so that she could hug me. I soon had this fast forward thought of my birthday 5 days before she died. A day filled with crazy funny memories, water fights with measuring cups, and mom and I up front driving while the boys hung their heads out of the sun-roof with their hands raised in the air laughing and screaming. In my mind I smiled. I remember saying "thanks mom for a great day" we had laughed that day a lot, about me being pregnant with a "baby girl", and her being so excited about being a grandmother. She already had things all ready upstairs for her grandkids. She was going to make this "ol farm house" into a place of memories for her grandbabies. We, just a few weeks prior had painted her bedroom walls "lipstick raspberry"...purposely painting a few spots on the white ceiling...just to make Daddy crazy...wow...my mind went through all of this. Then my mind went to leaving that day. I remember hugging her as we left. Thinking to myself how fun she is, and how loved I feel. I had etched that feeling of belonging into my mind that day. Never knowing that, that would be the last time I would see her alive....I had to go and hide for a few min. today. I found myself in an empty "lipstick raspberry" masterbedroom sitting on the floor...crying. Then to find my dad doing the same. Another small piece of the journey...changing. A new chapter. I promised momma that all those things I had felt and remembered would always be a part of who I am. Those memories are mine...they are things that cannot change or be taken away. That even if we don't share daily life that we share those memories...those are all things my heart will never forget...
So in the midst of it all, I found some great treasures...some more pieces of her journey to bring "home" to make part of our journey. We are home. Yes, I call 13194 Dirlam, our home. O' what it must to be like to really go home. My heart missed Donna Rucker today.
My mind smiled to think of her.
My heart melted in the presence of my Lord while in tears
A chapter ending, a new one beginning...overall...
Time praying and thanking the Lord in the "lipstick raspberry" room...Priceless.

Jello, bulletin boards, coffee, patio time with pals and the chimnea...not to mention really good choc. chip cookies!

That title pretty much sums up my day...
I went to the church to help Danielle make like 30 some tubs of jello for a kidzone food fight...it was so fun...and it smelled really good too. Then I helped work on her one of her information boards...
Had some stuff going on around here. It's been an interesting week, but tonight was good. We had some great times around the chimnea and on the patio, good choc. raspberry coffee, choc chip cookies and good times with great friends.
I have enjoyed the patio so much already. It seems to be a peaceful place. The flowers I bought for it just added that perfect little touch to it...I really appreciate Chris working like he did on it...Looking forward to much more time and memories out there. A good pal mentioned a tall glass of iced tea out there...what a dream...
Jersey girl called me from ocean city...that sucks...what sucks is that I miss her and then to tack on the idea that she is at the ocean and enjoying the vast domain that the Lord blessed us with when he gave us the oceans....she is so lucky...I think that I must repent for the envy I am having...I really would love to go to the ocean...I am such a beach bum...Jersey girl and I have big plans to go to the beach sometime. Sounds great.....
Anyhow, I prayed for a lady at staples today. She seemed sad, bothered, tired. Her name is Penny. If you think about it pray for her, pray that her face does not define what her life is possibly like. I at first thought...gosh lady, nothing like being nice...then I just felt like she was sad...I took a few moments just to ask the Lord to just visit with her. Be near...
Also, be praying for our friend Palmer. He will be having surgery tomorrow..We are expecting great things....anyhow. What a blessed day. I felt close to the Lord today.
Off to have a banana and peanut butter snack. Adios

My knight in shining armor

My dear Wesley...Thank you for all you have done to make our home more special than it already feels. Your hard work and dedication does not go unnoticed. I know that you have gone out of your way to make things special for your girls. I appreciate your hard work, and the little things that you have added to it to make it special for me. Thank you for being you, for being the man and father that you are. For being such a hard worker...I am sorry I don't tell you enough. I love you forever!


On another note: While riding in the car today with my good buddy...we noticed this bumper sticker. In big script writing it says
"Jesus loves You"...
only everybody else
thinks your an ***hole...
I had to laugh...I can admit that a few people came to mind..
But then in all seriousness I thought to myself..."isn't it great that we are able love others with the love of Christ."..Thank goodness for that.

Candle scents that have been made:
Pappy's cotton candy, Maws cinnamon apple pie, Dawns cherry vanilla swirl, Chris's carrot cake, Jerri's white cake, Steve's apple brown betty, Angie's dutch apple crunch, Rachel's Angel food cake, Macee's birthday cake, Isaiah's malted milk balls, On the list for tomorrow,Daddy's coffee bean, buttery gingerbread, pink sugar, apple pie and hot cinnamon...our house smells great!
Better go, I am tired.

Donna's House Candle Co.

hi...tonight i made my first candles ever...my house smells soooo good....cool. My hearts desire is that these candles will make someone's home feel cozy, clean and sweet and wonderful like fresh baked goods...scents like: Dawn's cherry vanilla swirl, Macee's birthday cake, Angie's dutch apple crunch, Maws hot cinnamon apple pie, and many others....but anyhow...mmmmm. Hopefully they will sell at the garage sale tomorrow. yes a garage sale.....ahhh, and it looks like it is just going to be me manning the thing....it is a five family sale...wow.
so yeah...and interesting week to say the least...i am thankful and I feel blessed...i feel loved and feel humble and thankful that Jesus Christ died for me on that cross and rose again...that i am saved by grace. i am thankful for family and friends and people that you can call not just your friend but your soul mate friends...people that no matter where you are or what you are doing will always be part of your heart.....
i saw something the other day that really said it for me...it said...when you loose someone you love they become a memory but ....the memory becomes a treasure....cool huh.
I miss my sister...I wish I could see her more often, I wish I could see my other babies...i love her and her family so much...
i have been so blessed by so many things lately....friends to help and encourage, great laughs, hardtimes to prune us, time well spent with Macee at the library...an almost done patio...good popcorn, rice crispy treats, family, my grandparents......wow..
Sorry my thoughts are random...better go...

Summer...

Hello summer! It's 9:23 the first week or so of June and it's 76 degree's this early...high of 90 today...yeah...School is out....I am so bored. I worked so hard the past few months...and the last 3 days have been non stop, i have a million things to do here at home, time to spend with Macee and Chris....but i am bored. I miss the craziness that comes with dealing with adults and kids alike at school, I am not complaining, just learning to slow down and be okay with a sort of quiet day.
Chris has been the hardest working man known to man on this whole earth. We are putting in a brick patio out front, we are using some of our income tax return to improve our home, we also thought that this would be a great place to hang out with folks, and meet neighbors...it was quoted to us that it would cost around 1,500.....NOT HERE...Chris laughed...so guess who has worked his butt off...he has been truly amazing...there was so much to do out there, and already today he is laying the bricks....Chris says that it won't be the best patio known to man, but it's one of those things that about make me cry..he is doing it to make it special for me...a swing and a cup of coffee on the front patio...sounds like some great memories...my mom and dad has some of the best times laughing and talking, i suppose crying too, it took place on the front porch...wow...Chris thanks for making it so special...not to mention that you are pretty hot and look good with buff arms working so hard....but really thanks for doing things that make it special for me and Macee.
We are planning to get Macee into gymnastics this summer and take her to the library a lot...i cannot wait to see how she would do with things like this. I think she is bored too...we have planned to keep somewhat of a schedule this summer, to help make it not so difficult for Macee...also we are planning to cut back on things, give more, take less, use the cloths line, and doing a better job of continuing to be good stewards of our money...
Did anyone see the Brad Pitt interview....wow, I sat there and cried....man he needs Jesus...he is like one of those people that love like the Lord but...i am not sure what he heart is, but i know he wants to help others.....wow.....it makes me want to go to Africa and adopt and baby girl....or go and try to help. He has a great desire to cut the amount of poverty, if we would just give.....man what a brilliant idea....
So I am finally starting my candle business....I will be posting the scents etc. and the prices. It would be great to get orders etc. I am using my profits to help pay off my credit cards in the quest to become debt free from credit cards....anyhow, the name of my candle company will be called "Donna's house" Candles that make you feel at home...you know warm and cozy...Comfortable and smelling like mom's house...Whew i love candles...can't wait.....
Well i must go hang cloths on the line....get them dry before it rains today...better go.